understanding the meaning of hope

recently, i learnt to understand how mummies feel. even though i am not a mummy yet and dyl's not a daddy yet, but we learnt how it will feel like...

like the day we thought i could be expecting a little one, just the thought of it makes us leap over the moon. by that, i learnt how mummies feel, when they realise they are making a new life and also i learnt how mummies feel, when they lose a child, because just by thinking we are expecting already make me over the moon, i cannot imagine the pain on the other end - for that, i was one step closer to understanding my mum, because she went through a lot to have me and then my sister and some siblings in between who didn't make it.

well, i wasn't and a great deal of work went into confirming that..

1. gynae visit after 20 days late period (total $160!)
2. ultrascan ($60!) - everything's normal but no pregnancy sac
3. blood test - gynae just want to be safe - no pregnancy hormones

although we weren't really trying for a baby, we were quite disappointed. however, we realise that God has send us a good message that we are now emotionally ready to become parents. :)

we have been married for 2 years now and in no point a time in these 2 years that we felt thrilled to have babies. it was more fearful and knowing that we got to work on our mariage and our relationship first. we worked pretty hard and we are very proud that we are here today, more loving than ever.

now, we are ready.

in fact, many others are excited about this than us! we have received baby cot, baby high chair and many many more, before we even conceived! hahaha. my aunt flora has been very generous and passing us many of her maternity and baby stuff.

sometimes i wonder if that will add stress to us but i realise that God is showing us that we are loved and the baby too, even before he/she is made.

so now, we are hoping to have a little baby ox this year, in fact, it was hope to be due in nov but as I will be travelling to Japan in April and flying in first trimester is not encouraged, we are hoping t0 conceive after I return from Japan (Good too, my last trip of freedom in many years to come!)

i hope to share this lovely journey of hope and love with everyone we love - you. so stay tuned :)